the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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