Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I enjoy the company of your penis
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
