I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
