Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize
