I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
