tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I got inside last night via doggy door
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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