If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
