Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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