why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
