i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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