but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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