It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize