i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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