is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
only you would photoshop your dick
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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