Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
