I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
