Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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