Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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