You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
