His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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