if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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