god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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