a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize