After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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