I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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