meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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