Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
