i need an iv and a liver transplant
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
the liver wants what the liver wants
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
