coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
