Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize