I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
