And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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