I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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