So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
