i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
