it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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