Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
