What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My ATM looks so different sober.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
