I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize