And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I am one with the molecules
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
