omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
