Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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