please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
