4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
