I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize