Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
