I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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