If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
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