You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
