that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
