eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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