Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
