Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Four minutes until I can fart!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
