is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
