So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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