I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
