I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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