Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize