not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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