yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
