I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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