I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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