At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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