It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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