id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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