That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we're making bets on your personal life
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
