Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
