i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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