dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
